Guess who's back?

Guess who's back?


It saddens me to have to write this as I really thought my surgery would be the end to things. I know that's pretty naive to expect but I'm a very positive person and I don't like to fear what's next. I'm learning to live in the now. So right now, I'm getting a plan together for my healing.

I don't talk about my healing too much as everyone's journey looks different and I wouldn't ever want to advise anyone on what they should do/try or upset anyone! But instead of sitting around wallowing for too long, I decided to use this news as a kick up the bum to push me in the right direction. Right for me anyway! I will explain a little bit more later in this post about my plan.

So I had a couple of days to get my head around this, to get myself together. I was all over the place, up and down with anger and tears.. I cried as soon as the nurse told me after my ultrasound. I was and am completely gutted. But this doesn't stop me from healing or wanting to heal. I am determined to beat this and not just accept that endo is for life. 

Doctors will tell you it's for life yes, but people have healed OR they live symptom free. So why can't I be one of those people? When I was first diagnosed, I crashed hard mentally. Thinking this was for life, dreading surgery and then it coming back... Well I've been through it all and I'm still here and still fighting. Like I always will! I never want to get into that place again. It's of course difficult when you're living with shitty symptoms constantly but there has to be more than this!

I had my bloods tested as I suspected maybe early or peri-menopause. This wasn't an issue when my results came back but my CA125 level was too high. This can indicates ovary stress, such as endo, fibroids, polyps or even cancer. So naturally they wanted me to book a tummy and transvaginal ultrasound right away. I am at least glad it's nothing sinister... Although endo growing back isn't a great outcome either. 

My plan going forward is to keep on with what I'm doing which is eating a plant based diet with no processed sugar, no inflammatory ingredients like canola or rapeseed oil, basically following the Medical Medium protocols. Now this is something I would have laughed at a couple of years ago... I feel like I've grown a lot. I even made videos laughing at celery juice yet here I am juicing every morning! Haha I am just so desperate to heal. I will try anything! Even if that means giving up ALL of my favourite foods!! 

Now obviously this isn't what the doctors would suggest, instead it would be a cycle of hormones and surgery. NO THANKS! I am yet to speak to my doctor about the results and decide on a plan, but I know that I am not going to settle for that. It may mean another surgery IF I feel it's the right thing to do but I think holistic and natural solutions are the way forward for me. 

I have cysts on both of my ovaries and a polyp. It's only been a year and 5 months since excision and a bowel resection. What this means for the future I don't know. But I do know I will try my absolute best to get my body back into a healthier place. To detox and cleanse as much as possible to have a fighting chance for whatever's around the corner. It's not going to be easy... I have a LOT of years to cleanse from. Nothing worthwhile happens overnight.

I am also in a calmer environment now where meditation, journaling, nature walks and all that jazz is possible. It's important to look after yourself in many ways, to heal that unresolved trauma too. I believe there are many reasons that so many people are sick now but we'll leave that discussion for another day! I just want to say that whatever works for you, or feels right for you is totally fine and your own decision. Nobody should judge your journey or choices. 

 I will of course keep you all updated here with my journey and on social media. For my own sanity I try not to speak about it all too much as it can consume me and in turn create more pain. If anyone has any questions, please leave a comment or reach out on social media. 

Sending love and Light to you all.

Nikky xx

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