I've been processing a lot of anger, upset and frustration over the last couple of weeks due to finding out that endometriosis is back so soon after my surgery. I started feeling more like myself again after finding out, only to get knocked back down at yesterdays gynae appointment.
Immediately I was put into a bad mood when explaining my history to a doctor who clearly didn't have a clue about endometriosis. I felt like I had to justify what I had been through as every time I mentioned where endo was found/excised from his eyes squinted back at me in confusion. I know I'm young, I know I don't look sick but I've had enough of trying to prove myself to every doctor I see.
He then read my ultrasound results to me which I was sort of already aware of but not to the full extent. Turns out endo isn't only just back slightly on my ovaries, there are multiple cysts on both ovaries all 4/5cm large and a polyp inside my womb that they are keen on removing.
How is it back this bad already? I try so so hard and anyone that knows me will feel my frustration because they also know that I am always fighting for my health. Next was the internal examination which really hurt due to how much is going on down below again. I have cysts there too which isn't surprising considering the pain I've been feeling. He also checked my tummy/womb area by pushing down hard whilst doing the internal and that was really no fun. My right side is so sore and has been since surgery so I still have no answers there.
The next step is going back down the endometriosis specialist route. Royal Derby Hospital have a specialist that I am waiting to see now but I have to see how he is when I get to meet him as I won't let any old doctor operate on me if that's what it's going to come to again. It's such a vicious cycle. Surgery, recovery, a few months of normality back almost and then bang, back down the surgery route or hormones. I'm not ready for that...
I just cannot accept that this is my life.... I am dead set on healing myself holistically with whole foods and the right supplements, non toxic household and beauty products, exercise/walks in nature and low stress levels. Meditation, yoga, celery juice, I'm trying it all! Things I once frowned upon. But it is what it is and this has made me so determined to heal, more than ever! Once I have worked through the anger I am feeling I'll be in a better place to tackle it all again properly. I am focusing on the food mainly each day as the rest just seems like too much at the moment.
All we can ever do is out best. Everyone's journey is different and I really hoped I was going to be a success story after excision surgery... But I'm obviously here to continue to talk about endo and chronic illness is general. To help others and share my story. One day when I am healed, I will help to heal others and I truly believe that. By heal I mean live symptom free from endo like I believe I will!
We've got this endo warriors!
Nikky x